Using Humanity to Heal Humanity

Week of June 15, 2025

In helping my clients through processing and healing from trauma, I’m realizing that it has demonstrated the process for myself. I encountered an opportunity to practice this late last week, which included some journaling and even sharing what I wrote so I wouldn’t feel alone going through it. Sharing that post ended up helping a lot of others who read it, so I thought it might help even more by sharing it here, too.

“The other night, Jacob played ‘Put On Your Sunday Clothes’ – a song from the movie Wall-E. For both of us, this song elicits fond memories of when he was very little, but it also gives me a strong urge to cry which I wasn’t 100% sure exactly why. I asked him what feelings the song brings up for him, and (now I’m trying to remember what he said- I was flooded with emotion at the time), and then he asked me what feelings it evokes for me. My first thought was because he was young and it was at a time when his dad was still alive.

As I thought about it more, it occurred to me- that song evokes the same feelings in me as the John Denver train CD music… the big things Jacob was into before Matt’s accident was the Wall-E and Cars movie, and the John Denver train music. When Matt was killed and I was overwhelmed with emotion, funeral arrangements, hosting people at the house, etc., I played these movies and music over and over to soothe Jacob and give him a fun distraction that kept him happy. In time, the sound of those movies and music instantly brought me back to when Matt was killed when I was barely hanging on. It’s still there. Although I had pushed the memory down and almost forgot on a conscious level what that song did to me, my body remembered- I felt sick in the pit of my stomach and a strong urge to cry.

The next morning (the morning after this conversation), I woke up from a glorious dream where Matt and I were together. As I was up and around in waking life and doing my morning routine, I was feeling some sort of way, and I allowed myself to sit with it to try to figure out why I’m feeling so weird. It’s because I’m feeling alllllll the feels- happy, sad, sick, grateful, excited, devastated- some of which I tend to stuff down because it’s too much, and I’m too busy to let myself acknowledge them. Healing happens in layers and there's a lot I still haven't processed, even after sixteen years...

Then I allowed myself to evaluate why I’m feeling so much- is it the dream? Was it last night’s conversation? What else is going on? Oh yeah- yesterday was Sydney’s last day of high school. She didn’t want me to take her picture. I wanted to post side by side photos, but I don't know if I can even find her first day of kindergarten photo since four years worth of photos got wiped out when my hard drive crashed in 2014, and then Apple scrambled the rest. I've been overwhelmed by photos since. We just celebrated her 18th birthday and Jacob’s 21st. Today is her prom. Next week is her graduation and family is coming into town. Father’s Day is this Sunday and I forgot to send my dad a card, and just Father’s Day and all the feeling that evokes. Her dad isn’t here for her with all these big events, either.

It’s progress to allow myself to have processed this much, but it’s time to turn it off again so I can get all the To Do’s done for everything coming up- vacuum, clearing the tables, cleaning the bathrooms, bathe Mazie, creating a menu, writing a grocery list, making a Mala for my client that needs to get into the mail by Monday.

Feeling all the feels... Now that I know what it does to the body when that urge to cry is suppressed, I know I gotta let it happen soon- maybe in the shower later. Right now, staying focused on the happy feels for my sweet girl who has worked so hard to get here.”

One of my good friends read my post and called me from across the country which instantly opened the floodgates. Turns out, she was going through a very similarly challenging moment herself. Connecting with each other was healing for us both.

Using humanity to heal humanity; sometimes the wound is the cure.

Weekly Affirmations

“Releasing shame and being open gives others permission to do the same.”

“Holding space for myself in hard moments is a form of self care.”

I’ll be taking a week or so off from posting in the ARROW Reflections blog so I can focus on family and rest, but I’ve been bubbling over with ideas to write about, so I’ll be back soon!

Thank you for being here. <3